I suppose it has been quite some time since i have written anything on here of more then like two sentences. we shall try to get perhaps a paragraph out of me today. i currently lay feeling broken and abandoned in our bed in your sweater. My hair is up in a half bun like i usually have, I'm in panties and i have my two rings on and my glasses. Also my nipple ring is in. Obviously cuz that baby ain't coming out. I'm just about to head to sleep because I don't feel like being stalkerish and waiting for him to come home and possibly pop online drunk. And i don't want to sit here and get more and more sick the longer he doesn't come on the computer. This is so pathetic of me. to live my life by how my life with someone else is. I think the fact that i find that pathetic is the main fact that I don't think i'll ever marry. at the moment there are four people in this world i would marry. and two live out of country, one lives out of this city. The other...well we just won't go into him. lol I'm not really sure why i'm writing i'm just sorta rambling on out of boredom and scaredness as i fight not to cry over this because i am not that emo. Or I'm trying not to be. Halloween used to be my favorite holiday and this one has gone by like it didn't even exist. that saddens me. Life is changing too much. i don't adjust well! i need to be locked up under my blankets until i get it in my head that i will survive and change probably won't kill me. lol anyway the conspiracy theory is calling me and then sleep. And perhaps you will tomorrow as well. who's to say.

happy halloween
Bekah